The Nouveau Charichetismaticalistic Community Fellowship Church Group Inc.™

Salvation freely offered with strings attached

• embark upon an extensive and detailed program of study and activity to truly prepare you for this wonderful free gift
• make your way only very slowly up a hierarchy which seems to be getting higher the further up it you go
• agree to commit a significant proportion of your income to our admirable work
• submit yourself entirely to so-called elders, many of whom will actually be younger than you and only just getting to grips with the use of an electric razor
• constantly admit your total unworthiness for everything you are receiving
• agree to go out and try to bring in more people by making them feel guilty or doomed if they don't join; lying is permitted because of the worthwhileness of the cause
• be content with being told the bare minimum about the objectives and power-structure of the movement, and about your own status or lack of it therein
• let yourself be manipulated and patronised
• pretend that your massive commitment of time and money to the movement does not conflict with other commitments such as church or family.