Embrace a loud telephone lifestyle today
Background
If you sit quietly at your desk all day sending emails how is anyone going to know that you're working? Hence the need for a loud telephone-based life which I urge you to embrace immediately.
Equipment
Obviously you need several telephones, though these do not necessarily need to work. After all, the point of using the phone isn't so much to be heard on it at the other end as to be heard on it at this end. The telephones do, however, need to ring, preferably when you want them to, i.e. while you're making calls on other phones.
What do I say into my phones?
Once you have made your first call (or had your first altercation in the coffee-room) of the day, this is quite simple. You just talk about the content of your other telephone calls, real or imagined. You also talk about your various movements (real or imagined) around the country between medium-sized towns with vaguely familiar but unplaceable names like Oswestry, Kenilworth and Cirencester.
How do I say what I say into my phones?
Use lots of slightly out-of-date or unidiomatic expressions such as: "that is perceivably an error of judgement on your part" and "the ball really is in your neck of the woods now" and "when all the talking's said and done" and "maybe we should get everyone sitting around the same ballpark". Above all, be loud.
Do I have to sit there all day?
Goodness me no. Remember that you'll be very audibly arranging to meet people with names like Geoffrey Walsh and Kenneth Armstrong in places like Kettering, Leominster and Crewkerne. Even if these people don't exist and you're not going to meet them, you need to be away from your desk from time to time. Remember to leave several of your phones behind, all with their ringers set to high.