It's English but is it any good?
While text can contain verifiable facts, this is not enough for it to be good English. Such facts must be presented in a way which:
- interests the reader
- does not assume more knowledge than the reader has
- holds the reader's attention by telling a story.
The text in the left-hand column below is taken from a Microsoft Internet Explorer help-panel entitled Getting started. The right-hand column is a critique by Good English.
| Original text | Commentary
|
|---|
| The Internet is a network that connects thousands of computers around the world. The Internet provides many services, including electronic mail and the World Wide Web. | Why are you telling me all this? Please define electronic mail and the web. What are the benefits to me of this internet thing?
| Microsoft Internet Explorer is specifically designed to view pages on the World Wide Web. Most Web pages include hyperlinks to related pages. By clicking hyperlinks, you can quickly move from one page to another to get more information and navigate through text based on what interests you. | The phrase is specifically designed is vague and long-winded. What are hyperlinks and what is this use of navigate? Although this is the first panel of what is supposed to be an introductory help-system, it appears to assume a great deal of knowledge (and enthusiasm) on the part of the reader.
| Every page on the Internet has its own address, called a Uniform
Resource Locator (URL). If you know the address of what you want to view, type it in the Address box at the top of the window. Or choose Open from the File menu, type the address, and then choose OK. | The writer is again making the mistake of beginning from the point of view of the internet rather than that of the reader. What if you don't know the address of what you want to view?
| When you find something interesting, you can add it to your Favorites list so that you can find it again later. | At last the writer is describing a benefit to the user, who may well have stopped reading by now.
| | | |
The help-text makes sense (at least to those who know the specialised vocabulary it uses) but it does not do its job of introducing the internet, let alone helping the novice-user to get started. It jumps from one unfamiliar concept to another without explanation or very much linking. And to think that this is the very first help-panel of a widely-used system provided by the world's number one software-company!
A better approach might have been:
| New text | Commentary
|
|---|
| You can use your computer to access information on other computers throughout the world via the internet. Such information is presented in a number of ways, including the world-wide web. To access the web you use browser software such as Microsoft Internet Explorer. | The writer starts from the reader's point of view, links the sentences to each other, explains each concept as it is presented and, in the course of just one paragraph, brings the reader to the subject of this help-system.
| World-wide web information is stored as files (known as pages) and you access them by specifying their uniform resource locators (URLs). An example URL is http://www.bbc.co.uk. If you want information on a subject but do not know the URLs of any pages which deal with it, you can use a search engine to find such pages for you. | We're getting a bit technical now, but notice how each concept used has already been explained. Once more, the writer links the sentences so that the reader's thoughts are channelled.
| | |